Normal does not mean natural
This weekend I woke up from a nap racked with guilt and shame. My son’s seventh birthday party happened on Saturday morning. Between the preparation, being at an arcade with a bunch of loud kids, and ensuring everyone was looked after, I was drained. But did I really deserve a three-hour nap?
The guilt
If you’re like me, you might feel guilty when you take a nap, and sneak away for a moment of shut-eye so no one knows you’ve taken that time for yourself. This guilt is all too common. I remember a colleague who would sneak out to her car during lunch to nap while she was pregnant. She was exhausted but didn’t tell many people because she feared judgment. Resting during the day just wasn’t “something you do.” Rest is something you allow yourself only after being productive.
Yet, in Spain, midday naps are the norm. Whole towns shut down for siesta—people have their largest meal of the day and take a nap. This stark contrast makes it clear, cultural norms shape our thoughts about rest.
When I woke up from that Saturday afternoon nap the guilt lingered. I didn’t recognise the thoughts behind the feeling of guilt until the next day when my husband went grocery shopping. As soon as he left the house I snuck away for another nap—this time on the lounge floor, blanket over my head. I didn’t want to get too comfortable because deep down, I didn’t think I deserved the rest.
When I came to 20 minutes later I realised I was being ridiculous and picked up a book I’d owned for years: Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey.
The Nap Bishop
I wish you rest today. I wish you a deep knowing that exhaustion is not a normal way of living. You are enough. You can rest. You must resist anything that doesn’t center your divinity as a human being. You are worth of care.
Tricia Hersey, Rest is Resistance
Hersey describes grind culture as “a collaboration between white supremacy and capitalism”.
She explains that these learned behaviours —our need to constantly produce and the guilt we feel about resting—aren’t natural. These behaviours have been shaped by societal structures that prioritise productivity over humanity.
If we think about what connects capitalism and white supremacy, one thing becomes clear: neither works like nature.
They are normalised systems, but they don’t align with the way life or ecosystems naturally operate. Nature is inherent.
What’s inherent to a bird is to fly, nest, migrate. For humans, what’s inherent is thinking, feeling, creating, being in community. Feelings of shame and guilt might have historically helped us belong, but the actions that trigger those feelings—like guilt over resting—are learned.
And since they’ve been learned, we have the opportunity to unlearn them.
Unlearning
So, will I nap again next weekend? Probably. Will I feel guilt and shame? Likely. But I’ll reflect on why I feel this way and rest anyways. I urge you to do the same.
It’s too easy to act on emotion without interrogating the thought behind it. When you feel a negative emotion about taking an action, ask yourself: Why do I feel this way? What assumptions underlie this feeling?
Remember: normal doesn’t mean natural. To get back to our natural state and find our version of flying like a flock of birds we need to challenge the status quo of our thinking.